enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
