She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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