were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
