Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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