I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
