I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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