I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
