dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
