Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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