So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
