there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
