I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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