im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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