Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
