Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
