if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
as a side note pls kill me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
