It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
