addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
