If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
