I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
