Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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