my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
