Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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