I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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