I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
