doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
