it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if only i could text you this smell
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
