There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
