Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
