This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
