Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
