i used baking grease as lip gloss
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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