no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
