she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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