i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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