Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
