Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
PANTIES FOUND
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