I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
sex in a hospital.. check
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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