turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
