So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
