Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
