So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
