Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
