Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
