How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
