My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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