; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
