I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
