Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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