she woke up with a sticky ear
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
