do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
