My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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