I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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