Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
