I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
