I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
